I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
