I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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