How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
