Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
