Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize