im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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