the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
