Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize