mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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