I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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