I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
