I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
