WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There r osticjed everywhere
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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