I think i peed on brittanys purse
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
