see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
