We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He passed out mid-signature
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
