I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Blood and glitter go together right?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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