Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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