And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
