DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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