You're so nebulous sometimes
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize