maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
