ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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