i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize
