Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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