His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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