1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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