Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize