I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
