I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize