I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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