the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
