nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
