I wish my penis had an off switch
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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