Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
