The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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