I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize