opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
