she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize