my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize