Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
