Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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