The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
