I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
