once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
