You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
