i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
