I wish life had little blips of pornography
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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