I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
