While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
