none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
