I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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