Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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