But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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