This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
