somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
