you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize