So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
