Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
