four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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