it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
