We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
