Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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