i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
