I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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