No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My dick has a subreddit
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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