Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
