Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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