sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
love makes seman taste better
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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