I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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