Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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