that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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