Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
