We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
