i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize