I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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