He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
