May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
